Where are you?
He came into his bedroom, chest heaving for lack of breath, eyes red. He didn’t bother to put his book bag in its usual place in the corner; he threw it against the wall. He didn’t stop to change into causal clothes, he just slammed shut the door and threw himself on his bed. Laying there, on his back, his eyes starting to swell with tears, he went back in his mind through the day.
He walked into the cafeteria to get breakfast. His expectations for the day were high. He just knew it was going to be a good day. Getting his tray of food, he roamed around the cafeteria, looking for someone he knew to sit with. He saw his friends from back home, eating with some people he didn’t know. There were no extra seats.
He saw his roommate, eating with friends. There were no seats for him.
He saw a class mate, quickly gulping down a meal before class and rushing to finish a paper. The table was cluttered with work, and there was no room for him.
Finally, he spied someone from back home coming into the cafeteria. She took her time, getting her food, but he waited patiently, roaming. When she had her food, she set off to find a table, and he set off to join her. But, she sat down with a guy he didn’t know. There was no place there for him.
Dejected, he found a spot, and ate his meal, alone.
Tears ran down his face, as he lay on his bed. His eyes were red and his face was flushed. His chest heaved and he sobbed quietly, recalling what happened next.
He left the cafeteria and went to his class. After a lecture about nothing important, his professor asked for all students to turn in their homework. Looking into his book bag, he couldn’t find his book for the class, or the homework with it. Ashamed, he explained to the professor that he couldn’t find his assignment. The professor told him that he had to have it in by five that day, or it would be a zero.
He was upset. He had worked hard on that diagram, and for a long time. He couldn’t figure out where his book had gone to. Then, in the middle of his next class, he remembered. His roommate had borrowed his book that morning and must not have returned it.
Remembering this, he looked over to his roommate’s desk, and there was the book. But, it was six o’clock… Showing more on his face than that he was upset, he showed despair. He did not understand. Crying out loud now, he choked on the sorrow. So real was his despair, that he had trouble breathing. But, he had no trouble remembering what had happened next.
It was just five o’clock when he got the call. He was walking to see his professor and to explain that he could get the paper to him at six. As he walked, his cell phone rang. Slowly, he reached down and unclipped it from his belt. Putting it to his ear, he said into it, “Yeah?”. And then, he knew.
He stopped walking and dropped the phone onto the ground in front of him, body quivering. His arms shook as he stared ahead with a blank expression on his face, mouth open slightly. His knees buckled, but he managed to stay standing.
For a minute, he just stood there, not believing the things that were happening to him. And then, he picked up his phone. Putting it back onto his belt, he started walking back to his dorm.
His pace quickened. Jogging now, he shifted his book bag so that he could go even faster. Eyes red from holding back tears, his stride lengthened to the point where he was running. He fairly tore along the path to the dorm, barely keeping from falling down as he ran.
He sat up, and got out of bed. Stumbling over to the nearest wall, he beat it with his fist until it hurt. And then, he just fell against it, supporting himself on his arm. There, he sobbed some more. “Why?”
It had been his mother on the phone. His best friend from back home had died. He had been hit by a driver who hadn’t stopped for the police because he didn’t want a ticket. Now, his best friend was gone.
“Where are you God? I needed someone today. I needed You today! But, you never showed Yourself… You never show Yourself... Show Yourself!”
And then, God answered him. Not out loud so much, but more from within. From within the hurting heart of his, he heard God speak out.
“I already have.”
And then he knew. God had shown Himself already. God had already come to earth. Jesus, God as a man, had already shown Himself to the world. And He didn’t just come and show Himself. He came and choose to have nails pounded through His hands… He choose to let men, whom He had created, nail His body to some wooden boards. He let them hang Him on that cross, so that the blood flowed from the holes with the nails, and so that he slowly and painfully died. He let them kill Him, so that we could live forever with Him in paradise.
He knew that Jesus had died for him. And he knew that his friend had had Jesus with him when he died. He knew he would see his friend again. And knowing that didn’t take away his pain, but it helped. It helped enough so that he got up and went out of his room and found his friends, who were off praying for him. And he saw them, and how much that they really did care for him. And he knew that God loved him even more.
He walked into the cafeteria to get breakfast. His expectations for the day were high. He just knew it was going to be a good day. Getting his tray of food, he roamed around the cafeteria, looking for someone he knew to sit with. He saw his friends from back home, eating with some people he didn’t know. There were no extra seats.
He saw his roommate, eating with friends. There were no seats for him.
He saw a class mate, quickly gulping down a meal before class and rushing to finish a paper. The table was cluttered with work, and there was no room for him.
Finally, he spied someone from back home coming into the cafeteria. She took her time, getting her food, but he waited patiently, roaming. When she had her food, she set off to find a table, and he set off to join her. But, she sat down with a guy he didn’t know. There was no place there for him.
Dejected, he found a spot, and ate his meal, alone.
Tears ran down his face, as he lay on his bed. His eyes were red and his face was flushed. His chest heaved and he sobbed quietly, recalling what happened next.
He left the cafeteria and went to his class. After a lecture about nothing important, his professor asked for all students to turn in their homework. Looking into his book bag, he couldn’t find his book for the class, or the homework with it. Ashamed, he explained to the professor that he couldn’t find his assignment. The professor told him that he had to have it in by five that day, or it would be a zero.
He was upset. He had worked hard on that diagram, and for a long time. He couldn’t figure out where his book had gone to. Then, in the middle of his next class, he remembered. His roommate had borrowed his book that morning and must not have returned it.
Remembering this, he looked over to his roommate’s desk, and there was the book. But, it was six o’clock… Showing more on his face than that he was upset, he showed despair. He did not understand. Crying out loud now, he choked on the sorrow. So real was his despair, that he had trouble breathing. But, he had no trouble remembering what had happened next.
It was just five o’clock when he got the call. He was walking to see his professor and to explain that he could get the paper to him at six. As he walked, his cell phone rang. Slowly, he reached down and unclipped it from his belt. Putting it to his ear, he said into it, “Yeah?”. And then, he knew.
He stopped walking and dropped the phone onto the ground in front of him, body quivering. His arms shook as he stared ahead with a blank expression on his face, mouth open slightly. His knees buckled, but he managed to stay standing.
For a minute, he just stood there, not believing the things that were happening to him. And then, he picked up his phone. Putting it back onto his belt, he started walking back to his dorm.
His pace quickened. Jogging now, he shifted his book bag so that he could go even faster. Eyes red from holding back tears, his stride lengthened to the point where he was running. He fairly tore along the path to the dorm, barely keeping from falling down as he ran.
He sat up, and got out of bed. Stumbling over to the nearest wall, he beat it with his fist until it hurt. And then, he just fell against it, supporting himself on his arm. There, he sobbed some more. “Why?”
It had been his mother on the phone. His best friend from back home had died. He had been hit by a driver who hadn’t stopped for the police because he didn’t want a ticket. Now, his best friend was gone.
“Where are you God? I needed someone today. I needed You today! But, you never showed Yourself… You never show Yourself... Show Yourself!”
And then, God answered him. Not out loud so much, but more from within. From within the hurting heart of his, he heard God speak out.
“I already have.”
And then he knew. God had shown Himself already. God had already come to earth. Jesus, God as a man, had already shown Himself to the world. And He didn’t just come and show Himself. He came and choose to have nails pounded through His hands… He choose to let men, whom He had created, nail His body to some wooden boards. He let them hang Him on that cross, so that the blood flowed from the holes with the nails, and so that he slowly and painfully died. He let them kill Him, so that we could live forever with Him in paradise.
He knew that Jesus had died for him. And he knew that his friend had had Jesus with him when he died. He knew he would see his friend again. And knowing that didn’t take away his pain, but it helped. It helped enough so that he got up and went out of his room and found his friends, who were off praying for him. And he saw them, and how much that they really did care for him. And he knew that God loved him even more.
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